My Story

“Trudy, you’re going to kill someone someday!” My mother always used to tell me. Between that phrase and “If ever anyone had a reason to get an abortion, it was when I was pregnant with you,” you get a good idea of my early years.

Psychologists have told me I had a traumatic childhood, suffer from complex PTSD, and am somewhere on the spectrum of Dissociative Identity Disorder. But they are all just words to me.

All I know is I thought I was raised in a loving, conservative Christian home. But that wasn’t the case. I remembered my first repressed memory from my childhood when I was twenty-seven years old and remembered many, many more in my thirties. Because of those memories, I had to accept that I was the victim of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse.

Shame is a powerful enemy. It told me I was wrong, not what I did or what someone else did to me was wrong. It doesn’t really matter who did what to me. What matters is how I came to understand why I am who I am, my idiosyncrasies, the things I love about myself, and the things I am working on changing or improving. Love is more powerful than shame. It says I am a beautiful creation with a purpose and blessing to the world and everyone I know.

The truth is that adversity is a given, especially when it comes to changing for the better. I was not singled out. It’s been a process of facing every trial that comes and not stopping my journey towards my dreams.

A success story starts with one small decision followed by action. It’s not luck or chance or that some people are happy and successful while others are not. It’s when you start comparing yourself to others that brings you unhappiness. Happiness is a choice just like your success story is a choice. It’s knowing we have the power to live the life we want to live by making the changes now and enjoying the journey along the way. And when adversity comes, welcome it. It’s confirmation of change.

If you do nothing, nothing will change. Everything will stay the same. So choose to do something or, at least, choose to want to do something. Start wherever you need to start, but start to do something.

So what if you’re not like everyone else? Life would be dull if everything was black and white. If you’re the color purple, be purple. Who should decide your life for you? I hope the answer is you! When one accepts that there’s no such thing as “normal” and to expect the unexpected – always, that’s when life gets fun and worth living.

I’ve come to believe that everyone has a sad story, and that used to really bum me out. But then I realized if everyone has a sad story to tell, that’s normal, right? Once I had that ah-ha moment, I was able to accept my place in the rest of humanity instead of singling myself out. And from that place of acceptance, I have been able to redefine myself and who I want to be tomorrow, the next day and the next. I’m not there yet, but that’s part of the fun of the adventure–the getting there. Every day, I think of what I can do to get closer to my destination. And my destination is to tell as many people as possible about my journey to happiness, to meet new people, and to hear their stories along the way. As far as I’m concerned, my journey is just getting started!

I don’t have all the answers. Who does? I have a story, and if my story helps your story, then I’m glad our paths crossed.